Engagement Vs Promise Vs Commitment Rings

The difference is what each ring promises.

An engagement ring says a wedding is coming. A promise ring says something serious is happening but marriage is not on the table yet. A commitment ring says two people are committed to each other and marriage may never be the point.

Three rings, three quite different conversations, and a great deal of confusion between them. This guide covers what each one means, when it is given, which finger it goes on, how the designs differ, what each costs and how to avoid the one misunderstanding that causes real damage. We make all three at our Mt Hawthorn studio, and the promise ring conversation has grown considerably in the last few years.

The Quick Difference

Everything below is detail on those six lines.

What Is An Engagement Ring?

An engagement ring is the only one of the three with a fixed, socially understood meaning. It says a wedding is coming.

That is its strength and its weight. Nobody has to ask what it means, and nobody who sees it will assume otherwise. It marks the transition into wedding planning, and most Australian couples marry somewhere between one and two years after the proposal, which is worth knowing because it is long enough for a ring to reveal every design flaw it has.

It is also the most expensive of the three by a distance, because it is built around a centre stone and a setting designed to present it. Prominent solitaires, halos, three stone designs and vintage-inspired settings all belong here. Our engagement ring styles guide covers the families, and engagement ring versus wedding band covers the ring that follows it.

What Is A Promise Ring?

The promise ring is the most flexible of the three, and the most misunderstood.

It marks a commitment that is real but not a marriage. It is given earlier, it carries no obligation to propose, and its meaning is set by the two people involved rather than assumed by everyone else. That flexibility is the appeal, and it is also where the problems start.

What A Promise Ring Can Mean

Five broad meanings cover most of what we see.

1. Exclusivity. The most common. A formal declaration that the relationship is serious and monogamous.
2. A pre-engagement commitment. Both people know a proposal is coming, but a date, a budget, a degree or a visa says not yet. The pre-engagement ring is a real category and we make plenty of them.
3. Distance. Something physical to hold when the other person is not there. This comes up here more than most places, because Western Australia runs on fly in fly out rosters and long distance is ordinary rather than unusual. A ring given before a two-week swing is not a lesser object than an engagement ring. It is a different one.
4. Personal values. Promise rings are given to mark faith, sobriety, abstinence or a personal vow. These have nothing to do with romance and everything to do with keeping a commitment visible.
5. Friendship and family. Not every promise ring is romantic. They are exchanged between friends and given by parents to children, and searches for them rose sharply during the pandemic, when many people could not be in the same country as someone they loved.

When A Promise Ring Is Given

There is no correct moment, which is unusual for jewellery.

Anniversaries, birthdays, a graduation, the night before someone leaves, or an ordinary Tuesday. They are almost always given privately rather than publicly, which is part of the point. Nobody gets down on one knee for a promise ring, and it does not need an audience.

Younger couples make up a large share of what we see, and it is frequently the first piece of fine jewellery either person has bought.

What Is A Commitment Ring?

A commitment ring says two people are committed. It does not say a wedding is coming, and for many couples that is the point.

This matters more in Australia than most guides acknowledge. Before marriage equality passed in December 2017, commitment rings were how many same-sex couples marked their relationships, because marriage was not available to them. Plenty who wore them then still wear them now by choice, and the ring means what it always meant.

Others simply do not want to marry. That is a position rather than a stage on the way to something else, and a commitment ring states it clearly without borrowing the language of a wedding. We make these for couples in long partnerships, for people who have been married before and do not intend to again, and for couples whose objection is to the institution rather than to each other.

Design-wise they can be anything. We have made plain bands, coloured stone rings and full diamond pieces for couples who wanted the object without the ceremony. Matching pairs are more common here than in either of the other categories, since the ring is usually marking a mutual decision rather than one person asking a question of another.

Which Finger Does Each Ring Go On?

There are conventions here rather than rules.

An engagement ring goes on the fourth finger of the left hand in Australia, following the vena amoris tradition the Romans handed down. A commitment ring usually takes the same finger, since it carries similar weight and is often intended to read as equivalent.

A promise ring is most often worn on the right ring finger, and the reason is practical. Wearing one on the left ring finger will have people congratulating you on an engagement that has not happened, which is a conversation nobody enjoys having repeatedly. Plenty of people wear theirs on a chain, a middle finger, or wherever it suits.

Our guide on what hand the wedding ring goes on covers the cultural variations, which matter in a city as mixed as Perth.

How The Designs Differ

Design tends to follow meaning, though nothing here is fixed.

• Engagement rings are built around a centre stone, usually a diamond of at least half a carat, in a setting designed to hold and present it. Everything about the construction serves that stone.
• Promise rings are typically simpler and smaller. Delicate bands, a small diamond, a birthstone, hearts, infinity motifs, knots, or a vintage-inspired sapphire. Contemporary versions lean toward a small white diamond centre. Sterling silver is common at the lower end, though we would gently suggest 9 or 18 carat gold instead if the ring will be worn daily, because silver tarnishes and wears far faster than people expect.
• Commitment rings follow no pattern at all, which is appropriate given they answer a personal question rather than a conventional one. Matching pairs are common.

If you want a stone with unusual character, alternative gemstones suit promise and commitment rings particularly well, since neither carries the expectation that a diamond does.

What Each Ring Costs

Rough Australian ranges, and they overlap more than the categories suggest.

• Promise rings commonly sit between $200 and $1,500. That covers everything from a slim silver band to a small diamond set in gold.
• Commitment rings sit anywhere. We have made $600 matching bands and $12,000 pieces under the same description.
• Engagement rings typically start around $2,000 and climb from there. Australian couples commonly spend between $5,000 and $10,000, and lab grown diamonds will bring that down considerably for the same visual size. Our guide to what an engagement ring costs has the detail, and lab grown versus natural diamonds covers the trade-off.

Spend what suits the stage you are at. A modest ring given with clarity beats an expensive one given with ambiguity, every time.

How To Avoid A Misunderstanding

This is the section that matters most and the one nobody writes.

The only promise rings that cause problems are the ones where one person thought it was a proposal. It happens, it is genuinely painful, and it is entirely preventable.

A promise ring means whatever the two of you agree it means, so agree out loud before it is given. Say plainly what it does and does not represent. If it is a pre-engagement ring, say so. If it is not, say that too, because the absence of the conversation is what people fill in with hope.

Three practical safeguards. Give it privately rather than in front of family, who will draw their own conclusions. Consider the right hand rather than the left. And if there is any doubt about how it will land, choose a design that does not resemble an engagement ring, because a solitaire on a left ring finger says one thing regardless of what you intended.

We have had this conversation across the counter more than once, usually with someone buying a promise ring who has not yet worked out what they want it to mean. It is a slightly awkward five minutes and it is worth having with us rather than discovering the gap afterwards. If you cannot say in one sentence what the ring represents, the ring is not the problem.

Which Ring Is Right For You?

Work backwards from the message, not the object.

If a wedding is coming, it is an engagement ring, and anything else reads as hedging. If something serious is happening but marriage is undecided, a promise ring says so honestly without overstating it. If you are committed and marriage is not the goal, a commitment ring says exactly that and owes nobody an explanation.

The only wrong choice is a ring that says more than both of you have agreed.

Can One Ring Become Another?

Yes, and planning ahead here saves real money.

If a promise ring might become an engagement ring later, tell us at the design stage. We can set the stone so it lifts out cleanly and moves into a new mount, which means the ring you give at nineteen becomes the centre of the ring you give at twenty-six. It costs nothing to plan and it cannot be retrofitted once the ring is made.

The same applies in reverse. A promise ring being replaced rather than upgraded can be reset into a pendant, a stacking band or a pair of earrings so it stays in circulation instead of in a drawer. We do this constantly, and it is a far better outcome than a ring nobody wears.

Frequently Asked Questions

The seven we are asked most often.

What Is The Difference Between A Promise Ring And An Engagement Ring?

An engagement ring carries a clear intention to marry and is understood that way by everyone. A promise ring signals commitment without that intention, or with it deferred, and its meaning is agreed between the two of you.

Can A Promise Ring Become An Engagement Ring?

Yes, and we design for it regularly. Ask for a setting that allows the stone to be lifted into a new mount later, and raise it before the ring is made rather than after.

Which Finger Does A Promise Ring Go On?

Most often the right ring finger, specifically so it is not mistaken for an engagement. There is no rule, and a chain works perfectly well.

How Much Should A Promise Ring Cost?

Commonly between $200 and $1,500 in Australia, and beyond that there is no convention. Spend what suits the stage of the relationship.

Are Commitment Rings Only For Couples Who Cannot Marry?

No. Before December 2017 that was often the case in Australia for same-sex couples. Today they are chosen by anyone committed to a partner without marriage as the goal.

Do Men Wear Promise Rings?

Yes, and increasingly. The same conventions apply, and the same design logic as our guide to engagement rings for him.

What Metal Should A Promise Ring Be?

Nine or 18 carat gold if it will be worn daily. Sterling silver is cheaper and popular, but it tarnishes and wears noticeably faster, which matters for a ring that never comes off.

Come And Talk It Through

These three rings can look almost identical in a photograph and mean completely different things on a hand. That is worth getting right the first time.

Come to our Mt Hawthorn studio and tell us what you want the ring to say rather than what you want it to look like. We will design to the message, and if there is any chance the piece becomes something else in five years, we will build it so that it can. The bench behind the counter carries close to two centuries of combined experience and every piece is made on site.

Browse the custom gallery or start shaping something with our bespoke ring builder.

Book a consultation and bring whatever is on your mind, however early it feels.